it isn`t the first snow today, but it is the first snowfall to stick. the very first one happened before halloween- for ten minutes the sky was thick with it. biking down st. ambroise, i rounded a small bend and there it was, heading for me like i had suddenly crossed from fall to winter, one cut-out season to the next. it stung my eyes and froze my ungloved hands but i leaned in. i love when snow first comes, the tension of waiting disappears and you can accept that it is, in fact, winter. like waiting for your name to be called for a check-up, one conclusive step closer to what you are dreading: the long stretch between december- when everything is winternew and beautiful- to march, by which point snow will have become a dreaded obstacle. right now it is beautiful, the soft snow outside, lots of thick french toast on my plate topped with dumpstered strawberries, the cats settling on my bed.
this afternoon i have to walk to the unemployment office in verdun. i’ll sit through a meeting about my job prospects, talk about my anxiety to caseworkers who have never met me but are in charge of my file. then back out into the snow and across the river, the canal, home again where the cats will still be asleep on my bed. sometimes life is dreamy and sometimes its too much, usually both in one day or the same hour, a single minute pulling me from both sides. at least today i have snow.